| wow my poor xanga, how have i neglected thee...
update one: at the time i wrote my last entry, i seriously next day.. found out i was pregnant again!
update two: the hampton inn fired me because of it.. dumbasses
update three: i no longer wish to marry mr. chamberlain. i just wish he could be a man. he's almost 24 for goodness sake.
update four: miss thalia nowell chamberlain was born on Jan. 19, 2009!
update five: i turned 22 on march 9
update six: my grandma died on march 9 and lastly.. why the hell is some of my xanga in chinese?? lol
man, im soooo surprised how much has changed in this short amount of time. its like time speeds up when u get older. i dont want it to pass me by without my enjoying it. i'm currently a stay at home mom, which isnt paying off, trust. i'm working on my degree online for healthcare administration. theres too much bullshit when u do ur degree online. i dont recommend it. i am trying to kick terry out, but it doesnt work cuz for some reason when he gets mad and i get mad, he just argues and threatens to leave but wont. i dont want him to go, but if he cant respect me then im done. i am trynna move up, not be held down. all he does is bring up the argument that im not working, i dont do anything, im lazy, he's tired, he's a prisoner, he wants to drink, its just a friend, i was just flirting, im moving back in with my mom, wah wah wahhhhh. JESUS, IF HE WANTS TO LEAVE SO DAMN BAD WOULD YOU PLEASE MAKE HIM DO IT?? lol 1) taking care of the kids 24/7 is not nothing. if its so easy, why doesnt he wanna do it? why is he frustrated for the short amount of time he does? i'm talking one hour at most, and he's ready for a beer? if its so easy, why wont you watch them alone, why you gotta watch them at your momma house?
2) im not lazy, my kids just dont let me do anything! i havent even showered in two weeks, cuz i am watching these kids all by myself basically, and he refuses to be awake long enough, or home long enough, to lift a finger. then he complains his clothes aint washed? do it yourself, fool!
3) your a grown ass man. you aint a prisoner. if you wanna go with your boys go do it. i dont give a fuck. but dont expect me to stay home too. dont expect me to wait on you hand and foot. dont expect me to be considerate of you. dont expect me to not flirt with dudes when im out. dont expect me to show you phone numbers. dont expect me to tell you what all i did. dont expect me to come home on time. matter of fact, expect me to come home 8 hours later, like you do. and i'll be wasted, like you, and sleep for 8 hours when i get home, like you do, and then i'll piss the bed cuz im so drunk. just like you do.
4) go run to your mama. cry to her. go ahead run back to your mama like you always do, mamas boy! she'll solve all your problems. she'll let you disrespect her. she'll clean up after you. she'll make you food and feed it to you. she'll pay the bills so you can waste your money on video games, drugs, alcohol and clothes. she'll even let you sleep in the attic or on the floor like they always do when you come home. and since you dont like crying babies so much, maybe you better not go to her, cuz ur new nephew is there too. maybe you better go to your thief brother's house. maybe then you'll get your PSP, that i bought with my income tax refund, back. take the rings, im sure he'd love to hawk them for coke. whatever. i'll help you pack. im done and you dont have something thats so valuable to me that i will put up with your shit cuz i need you. cuz guess what. i dont. you arent my other half. no one is. i was whole when i was concieved. men are a complement, not a completion. now if only you could learn from our arguments, then my girls could have a father. but, since your stilla little boy, i guess imma have to let you go. i told you on our first date, and i quote:
"I'm not looking for a sugar daddy, or a baby daddy. I'm looking for a husband. and i dont ever want to divorce. so if you want that, and with me, then we can proceed. if not, then lets just enjoy this movie and go our seperate ways afterward. I dont want to date anymore and waste my time." and he said "you're the one." GUESS NOT. OH WELL. i already said and made it clear if we dont work out i wont date anyone till my girls are in highschool. i wont hurt them with many daddys, i wont expose them to the risk of abuse in any form, i wont let some man fuck my girls up in the head. its better to have one functioning parent than two dysfunctional. |
BUMPIN::____[[song will go here]]____
.... 
~ god bless them... so then my mom comes down and they wheel me up to my room while i knock back out... i kept floating in and out of consciousness... i wake up and alicia and colleen and mom are like staring at me lol... the rest of my hospital stay was pretty much a blur i was so drugged up... i just remember i couldnt hardly move, breathe in deep, talk loudly, laugh.. ANYTHING that involves the abdominal muscles... i had alot of visitors <3
